if you are my grandparents and you are reading this blog i apologize in advance for the swearing

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Volunteer project in elephant village Thailand. Mahout mania



Sawadee-kah, my name is Noi. 
So the village is called elephant village not because they made it for elephants but because there are about 500 homes and over 300 elephants. They are everywhere! It's like coffee shops in Canada or karaoke bars in japan. You cannot imagine. The ellies live underneath the homes of the mahouts. Mahouts are there carers, 1 mahout to 1 elephant. They live sleep breath their elephants. Kind of like babies they need 24 hr care, over 500kg food a day. Plus bath's and scratching time. Each elephant  has a different way  of letting you up. Some lift their leg for you to climb. Some sit down, some you stand on their trunk and climb over. Our role as volunteers was to assist the mahouts with their daily activities and immerse ourselves in their lifestyle. There is a lot of work to do with just one elephant and it's not the kind of job where you can call in a sick day. The 500 kg of cane they eat? Well you chop that by hand, with a scythe, a few times a day. Shovelling shit? Kind of like mucking a stall for a horse only this stall is the size of a small house. Shower and bath time is also important. We are assigned to one elephant for the duration of our stay and with the elephant comes the Mahout. My mahouts name was Yan and my Elephants name was Noi.


me knees, Noi's head taking me to the pond.
Noi is quite the curvy gal. Rounder than most.

WE ARE BOTH SMILING!!!
Yan and Noi
I have loads of pics. Can anyone tell me how to make a separate page of photo gallery? with the link at the top of the  homepage?

shower time




true confessions

I am scared  of cows. Thought it was just Irish cows but it seems to be an international issue. Side-eye and I am running into an electric fence. That's me done. Show me horns and I could probably cry.

It's all white on the night

I'm a natural
So as much as us Westerners obsess about getting that perfect bronzed tan, the Thai’s obsess with getting that perfect luminescent white skin (tradeja?). The first thing I noticed in the first 7-11 (the first of thousands I might add) I was in, were the rows of face cream and wash for both men and women with “whitening” agent. I even took a picture. This coming from a girl (me) who although I am far from girly I still have bronzer, summer glow body cream and other things to make me more brown. The irony isn’t lost on me. If that’s not the pot calling the kettle bronze I don’t know what is.  Oh I am also told by people, Thai people , that Thais are obsessed with skinny-ness. But don’t they know that everyone looks slimmer with a tan??

I have nothing to say about this. I still look pregnant.
My two signature looks seem to be pregnant or man. lucky me.

One Night In Bangkok

So I have arrived in Bangkok. I travelled with Emirates for the first time and though I had previously heard great reviews, for me it was hell – H E double hockey sticks. I have never felt so cramped into a space. Like a cat box. Fuck.  My knees touched the seat in front and there was a box under the chair in front so where the heck was I supposed to put my legs? I am a pretty average 5’9” but the geezer next to me was at least 6’ and it was like an unusual game of twister at some points. Luckily he was about one hundred so we developed a knee share/stretch leg out routine – as you do. Oh it was also about minus twenty degrees so we all had blankets on and were using the plastic wrap as scarves – as you do? Had quite the layover in Dubai. What did I learn in Dubai? I am probably not suited for Vegas. I felt like I just came off the farm. Flashing lights, loads of people, money money money! Not my cup of tea.

First view from first stay in Thailand
So I arrived in Bangkok, no mystery there. But there was a mysterious factor. 12 years ago I spent a fair bit of time in Japan., enough to pick up the basics of the language and like many skills, if not kept in practice it tends to fade away. This past summer in fact the only words I could recall were iikura dessu-ka, which means “how much?” Quelle surprise right? So touch down Bngkok and what do you know the ENTIRE Japanese vocabulary comes back. Explain that one please? Even weirder, when I met the other girl on this volunteer trip she had the same experience. By “same” I mean she also lived in Japan 12 years ago, forgot everything, it all came back. We also both have huge feet. My ride back from the airport was with a guy from the volunteer group who didn’t speak a lick of English but his little girl’s mother is Japanese and there we were, chatting away, in Nihongo. The little girls name? Shalala. And it only gets better from there…

First awesome meal with volunteer coordinators. Bottom right dish my new favourite thing.


Monday, October 18, 2010

in the land of heffalumps

seriously  no time to post right now but i made my way through bangkok and up to Surin through torrential floods (over waist deep). At the sanctuary now  and did my first elephant bath today. An outstanding experience. They have really really really big poo and that's what I will be turning into paper tomorrow. More later. Will find a way to post dammit! Sorry for no comments lately, it has been a whirlwind since I left France. Soon I will have tons of pictures, I finally got a camera!!! and it's waterproof!!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

hard to say who was more embarrassed during this exchange

So on my last excursion in Barcelona my friend and I went for a stroll up Las Ramblas which is 1.2km long street bordered by the Gothic area on one side and the Raval area on the other. On the boulevard all the way along are kiosks selling whatever you can imagine, from flowers to magazines to bunnies and chicks. Tons of buskers too. I had been drinking wine on Friday night, as you do, and was in considerable pain on Saturday. As much as I love wine, and there is a whole lot of love there - I mean c'mon I live in France - it is not worth it because of the inescapable heartburn that accompanies it. Burn baby burn, sometimes I cave though and give into the consequences. Anyway, before I could tuck into my beer I had to go the pharmacy to get some heartburn stuff. The nice lady, who didn't speak a lick of English (if you can imagine i did charades to convey my message), sorted me out with some strong stuff and I took it to the counter to pay. Get to the till, and the nice lady there said to me "no can sell.". Points to my stomach and says "YOU HAVE BABY?" .
gave birth the next day to a one year old.

then there was a huge awkward silence after I said "no, i have lunch". Just enough time to break a nervous sweat and then I ran away (as you do when total strangers think you are pregnant and the last time you had sex was so long ago that any baby you could have had, would be toddler age by now)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

joining the ranks



joining the ranks of those that don't post on weekends. kicked my shoes off and watched these guys with a couple cold cans of beer. 

Friday, October 8, 2010

question: if it's animal on different animal is it considered bestiality?

and yeah i know that's a weird question but my co-worker directed me to THIS and while everyone was laughing I was just thinking..what the fuck?!??? which lead me to the question: if it is animal on dead animal, is it necrophilia? just wondering.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

day five of captivity...

The head tormentor is hungry again. Have tried to sleep all day in solitary confinement. The captor and accomplices will perhaps assume I’ve gone overboard. They say things like “sick as a dog”. Yes dogs are sick but why are these units always asking for food at unheard of hours of the day? My night, their day, be sick already. Why eat in this state? Purposely overcooked the carcass tonight in hope that they would relent with the harassment. No such luck. Where are the other captives? Perhaps they have made it to their destination and have tasted that thing called freedom. They talked about that place a lot, why would they want to lick it? Am waiting for their signal to make my move. I can swim, it is only a matter of time…..

a lovely blog award is a lovely way to start the day

Yesterday I finished my watch at 0800. It was uneventful, the weather has been fine - smooth sailing really. Then I discovered I had bestowed upon me this:


which was awesome. Mynx at Dribble ( who I posted about a couple days ago). I am so flattered honoured and delighted that I don't even know what to say except THANK YOU! and so surprised am I, that my mostly sarcastic train of thought seems to be temporarily rendered speechless. that's a first.

If you go to Mynx's site you will see the other blogs she nominated. One is Annah's , Red Means Go which I have previously mentioned many a time. There is also Bouncin' Thru Life by Bouncin' Barb (best name ever!), that I just recently started reading, and a few more that I am not so familiar with but plan on checking out. And I just want to say thank you to Don who has been the source for some new friendships. Ta. 

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you - promo time

just thank you so very much to the original and new followers.  Mynx  at Dribble is right - readers comments really are the new crack so please feed my addiction. and if you go look at Annah's website you will see this awesome button on the side titled "Adventures of a Sailor Girl". Click on it, at her sight, to see (well I'll tell you right now, it will bring you right back here but pressing buttons is always fun)!

Art by Annah of Red Means Go
who will too soon find  Famosity!
I like pervy  Dan from The Danaconda a lot too. He is the yin to my current state of asexuality yang.  Speaking of sexuality, Annah and Dan did the funniest collaboration on that very subject that you have to check out. Get ready to cry tears of laughter - He Says, She Says

As we are still on a passage I am still able to be the master (mistress?) of the remote. Tonights program is called "Big Trouble In Thailand". Really getting some good guidance under my belt for the upcoming trip. I definitely know what not to do. This show is terrifying. No wonder I don't watch t.v. It's so scary out there in the world.

my blog is black because that's how i feel inside.

not really. it is pretty gloomy looking though isn't it?  i think it's because i started this, and did nothing with it, when i was coming out of a pretty dark time. but i love black. my dad only wears black. since the early 80's or something. that is dedication (he's a mathematician. cannot. stop. simplifying.)
my black bike "Geoffrey"

Monday, October 4, 2010

is this a sign? glad i got insurance

more specifically, insurance that covers elephant trampling. it is a rare occasion when I sit down to watch tv. anyway today is one of those days because the crew mess is empty and everybody is down for the count (enjoy your seasickness suckers!). I have had it on the National Geo channel and so far there have been three programs about people getting trampled by elephants.  hmmm...

Sunday, October 3, 2010

11 days from now I'll be on a flight to thailand. to shovel shit. literally.

double rainbow = good omen
Bon Voyage. We dropped the lines today in Porto Montenegro and are making our way back to Barcelona, Spain around the boot of Italy. I am not a city girl but Barcelona could have me. It is fan-fucking-tastic! Unfortch I will most likely only have one day there followed by a flight back home to France. A one day turn around there and then off to Thailand for volunteer work at an ELEPHANT conservation site. that's right.!

I have had fair warnings from my caring and witty friends, in regard to my thai trip, about guys that are girls and people trying to get in your pants. All I have to say to that is  -no thank you- to chicks or dicks or chicks with dicks. The only thing entering this body  in the near or distant future is botox. And potentially a tube for colonics.  More about that later. Not sure if I can hack fasting for 7 days. Food is my life.

Going on watch in  few hours so have to catch some zzz's.

i tried to take a pic of the goodbye sign at customs
but i guess my phone decided to  focus on the reefer
typical..

Friday, October 1, 2010

true confessions

I can't believe I'm actually publicly admitting this, and am about to subject myself to huge mockery (Campbell). Alright, so Meatloaf's album Bat Out of Hell? It is on some heavy rotation in the galley. In fact when I go to the part in i-tunes where it says Top 25 Most Played?   You guessed it.



oh and i seem to know all the lyrics too...

Mountain Dew