do you sea what i sea?

Finally on the ocean again. The maiden voyage for this vessel in fact! When the weather sorts itself the fuck out I will happily jot down the legit reasons why I've been so busy and un-posty as of late. As well as the not so legit reasons, like discovering pubs and grub and making friends in Germany! At the moment the yacht ( a brand new 60 m A & R - hint hint to the busy) is just turning the corner coming out of the Bay of Biscay,  which is on the west side of France and over the top of Spain  (named Biscay after the Basque region in Spain). We then straight line down the coast of  Portugal and in a couple days will hit Gibraltar to bunker (refuel). The Bay of Biscay is notoriously bumpy at sea so I can't complain feel like we are pretty lucky. That being said though, here is a vid  looking out my porthole in my cabin today in the "lovely" weather. Yeah we're lucky. No fuck that. I am lucky that I never get sea sick!

Happy birthday Spock.

Cannot believe Leonard Nimoy is 80!

ummmmmm.... alright then Germany

CARTOON BLOW UP DOLL FACE. SERIOUSLY
it's a drawing.yes it is

HIGH-LIGHT KIT FOR BLOW-UP DOLLS?


THE FUCK?


Really, there I was looking for some dark brown (to cover the ginger again!) and this is what I see. Who would actually buy this? Lars?

Elmo has a dad??

I didn't know that. It's been about 30 years since I regularly watched Sesame Street but it's been  getting a lot of airtime at my sister's house in France for baby Dexter (we have to download it) but imagine our surprise to find out he has a dad.



But you know what we think????

maybe a dye job too..

It's Telly with a wig

no i am still not pregnant. it was the virus.

and just for the record i don't want to be pregnant.

so here is the picture of myself and crazybaby. as you can see, and as i did see, i do look pregnant. Truth be told i gained a lot of weight on my last boat and i just thought it was that. I also thought  "fuck vanity, this is an amazing photo of  two friends playing together. who cares if i look fat". Anyway what the severe bloating was (under the rolls i mean) was the onset of the virus attacking me. The one I got from cow? The one that turned into a bacterial blood infection? Yeah that one. I ignored the first stages of the virus because I thought it was gas. You know the really painful kind that feels like a knife? And vanity aside for this photo , it was still in check when I was rushed by ambulance to the hospital and was thinking to myself "oh my god i am going to emergency for farts". Anyway, it's all better now. And my hospital room was the best ever. I didn't want to leave. But I did, they discharged me into the night with raging floods and only my passports,a lighter and the pyjamas I'd been wearing for days. i am happy i had the lighter. oh and the meds. they saved my ass

my loves

splish splash

the best part of the day was always going to be bath time. even though cutting 500kg of cane by hand (and 1 small scythe) was shed loads of fun it is all about the shower at the end of the day. they el's love love love their water. the mahouts love telling their el's to dunk us under the water. i took a lot of video for this but all you can hear is laughing and i'm shaking so much from laughing you can't see much. anyway, here are some pics

THE TWINS! learning how to swim but mostly just rolling around 

snorkel

a crazy love affair with crazybaby (one word)

attempt to climb over the fence. more play time on this side

I didn't mean for it to happen. I already had my favourites, the twins. but no. slowly and surely crazybaby, not so subtley charmed his way into my frozen  heart. I would walk past his house at lunch every day and with each step saying to myself "do not look, make no eye contact. show no emotion!" and then I would see it. this  small bundle of grey goodness trundling over to the fence with dust puffing up with every step. reaching out to play. SO FREAKING CUTE. yes elephant babies are cute, all of them and they have the most mischevious personalities. But this baby is crazy. It's play play play, trunk around the neck, arm in the mouth, blowing air in my face, hair pulling etc

I blow in his trunk and he blows back. ridiculously cute. 

it was a mutual love and i've heard mothers say before - the time went by so quickly, i wish that he wouldn't grow up in a way. anyway, i will try to attach a video to this later but it was nearly impossible to get one of crazybaby because he is so crazy. super frisky at all times. i love him and i miss him.

more crazybaby after the jump

it's in the ears

Crazybaby 5 months old. My obsession!

As elephants age the upper part of their ears start to curl down. As evidenced in the following pics. I tried to remotely write the age of the el's on the phot's but it was very small (ha because I was still in Thailand?) so have written underneath in caption instead.

Vanda 12 years old

Noi age 47 years

Old guy, don't know his name AGE 70 years!
Check the wrinks on his shoulder/legs

Bragging rights revoked

Sorry about lack of posts. I was going to brag about how I only got 2 mosquito bites the whole time i hve been here but I ended up in emergency ward for 3 days having contracted  a virus from cows (fucking cows!). It infected my blood and attacked my bones and muscles.  the whole time i was in hospital a typhoon raged outside. I was oblivious to all but when I was discharged at night, in the dark, that was when I found out the place i was staying, and most everywhere, had water up to the waist. Most of the island is flooded and the devastation is unbelievable. I am trying to get off the island now but the planes and ferries are halted. I walked in the street where the water was a "good" level, shin height, and it literally tore my shoes apart and off my feet. electricity is intermittent and internet - well this is the first time in a week and i've walked miles to get to it. that's the latest. I'm not licking  my wounds, it's great to be part of such an adventure. Just want the damn cow disease (what does that mean? is it mad cow? fitting...)to go. x

Volunteer project in elephant village Thailand. Mahout mania

Sawadee-kah, my name is Noi. 

So the village is called elephant village not because they made it for elephants but because there are about 500 homes and over 300 elephants. They are everywhere! It's like coffee shops in Canada or karaoke bars in japan. You cannot imagine. The ellies live underneath the homes of the mahouts. Mahouts are there carers, 1 mahout to 1 elephant. They live sleep breath their elephants. Kind of like babies they need 24 hr care, over 500kg food a day. Plus bath's and scratching time. Each elephant  has a different way  of letting you up. Some lift their leg for you to climb. Some sit down, some you stand on their trunk and climb over. Our role as volunteers was to assist the mahouts with their daily activities and immerse ourselves in their lifestyle. There is a lot of work to do with just one elephant and it's not the kind of job where you can call in a sick day. The 500 kg of cane they eat? Well you chop that by hand, with a scythe, a few times a day. Shovelling shit? Kind of like mucking a stall for a horse only this stall is the size of a small house. Shower and bath time is also important. We are assigned to one elephant for the duration of our stay and with the elephant comes the Mahout. My mahouts name was Yan and my Elephants name was Noi.

me knees, Noi's head taking me to the pond.

Noi is quite the curvy gal. Rounder than most.

WE ARE BOTH SMILING!!!

Yan and Noi

I have loads of pics. Can anyone tell me how to make a separate page of photo gallery? with the link at the top of the  homepage?

shower time

in the land of heffalumps

seriously  no time to post right now but i made my way through bangkok and up to Surin through torrential floods (over waist deep). At the sanctuary now  and did my first elephant bath today. An outstanding experience. They have really really really big poo and that's what I will be turning into paper tomorrow. More later. Will find a way to post dammit! Sorry for no comments lately, it has been a whirlwind since I left France. Soon I will have tons of pictures, I finally got a camera!!! and it's waterproof!!!

hard to say who was more embarrassed during this exchange

So on my last excursion in Barcelona my friend and I went for a stroll up Las Ramblas which is 1.2km long street bordered by the Gothic area on one side and the Raval area on the other. On the boulevard all the way along are kiosks selling whatever you can imagine, from flowers to magazines to bunnies and chicks. Tons of buskers too. I had been drinking wine on Friday night, as you do, and was in considerable pain on Saturday. As much as I love wine, and there is a whole lot of love there - I mean c'mon I live in France - it is not worth it because of the inescapable heartburn that accompanies it. Burn baby burn, sometimes I cave though and give into the consequences. Anyway, before I could tuck into my beer I had to go the pharmacy to get some heartburn stuff. The nice lady, who didn't speak a lick of English (if you can imagine i did charades to convey my message), sorted me out with some strong stuff and I took it to the counter to pay. Get to the till, and the nice lady there said to me "no can sell.". Points to my stomach and says "YOU HAVE BABY?" .

gave birth the next day to a one year old.

then there was a huge awkward silence after I said "no, i have lunch". Just enough time to break a nervous sweat and then I ran away (as you do when total strangers think you are pregnant and the last time you had sex was so long ago that any baby you could have had, would be toddler age by now)

joining the ranks

joining the ranks of those that don't post on weekends. kicked my shoes off and watched these guys with a couple cold cans of beer. 

a lovely blog award is a lovely way to start the day

Yesterday I finished my watch at 0800. It was uneventful, the weather has been fine - smooth sailing really. Then I discovered I had bestowed upon me this:

which was awesome. Mynx at Dribble ( who I posted about a couple days ago). I am so flattered honoured and delighted that I don't even know what to say except THANK YOU! and so surprised am I, that my mostly sarcastic train of thought seems to be temporarily rendered speechless. that's a first.

If you go to Mynx's site you will see the other blogs she nominated. One is Annah's , Red Means Go which I have previously mentioned many a time. There is also Bouncin' Thru Life by Bouncin' Barb (best name ever!), that I just recently started reading, and a few more that I am not so familiar with but plan on checking out. And I just want to say thank you to Don who has been the source for some new friendships. Ta. 

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you - promo time

just thank you so very much to the original and new followers.  Mynx  at Dribble is right - readers comments really are the new crack so please feed my addiction. and if you go look at Annah's website you will see this awesome button on the side titled "Adventures of a Sailor Girl". Click on it, at her sight, to see (well I'll tell you right now, it will bring you right back here but pressing buttons is always fun)!

Art by Annah of Red Means Go
who will too soon find  Famosity!

I like pervy  Dan from The Danaconda a lot too. He is the yin to my current state of asexuality yang.  Speaking of sexuality, Annah and Dan did the funniest collaboration on that very subject that you have to check out. Get ready to cry tears of laughter - He Says, She Says

As we are still on a passage I am still able to be the master (mistress?) of the remote. Tonights program is called "Big Trouble In Thailand". Really getting some good guidance under my belt for the upcoming trip. I definitely know what not to do. This show is terrifying. No wonder I don't watch t.v. It's so scary out there in the world.

my blog is black because that's how i feel inside.

not really. it is pretty gloomy looking though isn't it?  i think it's because i started this, and did nothing with it, when i was coming out of a pretty dark time. but i love black. my dad only wears black. since the early 80's or something. that is dedication (he's a mathematician. cannot. stop. simplifying.)

my black bike "Geoffrey"

11 days from now I'll be on a flight to thailand. to shovel shit. literally.

double rainbow = good omen

Bon Voyage. We dropped the lines today in Porto Montenegro and are making our way back to Barcelona, Spain around the boot of Italy. I am not a city girl but Barcelona could have me. It is fan-fucking-tastic! Unfortch I will most likely only have one day there followed by a flight back home to France. A one day turn around there and then off to Thailand for volunteer work at an ELEPHANT conservation site. that's right.!

I have had fair warnings from my caring and witty friends, in regard to my thai trip, about guys that are girls and people trying to get in your pants. All I have to say to that is  -no thank you- to chicks or dicks or chicks with dicks. The only thing entering this body  in the near or distant future is botox. And potentially a tube for colonics.  More about that later. Not sure if I can hack fasting for 7 days. Food is my life.

Going on watch in  few hours so have to catch some zzz's.

i tried to take a pic of the goodbye sign at customs
but i guess my phone decided to  focus on the reefer
typical..

Mountain Dew

the best part

The best part of my job is going to the markets. I wanted to write an amazing post with loads of pictures about how vibrant colorful and exciting they are but I still don't have a camera and more importantly we have been at anchor for about a week now. FML - not fuck my life, well maybe a little, but feed me lobster, find me land, forgive my laisser faire etc.. Sure being at anchor is great for the owners but my job is to source food wherever in the world I might be. Being at anchor, in the most remote places, interferes with this part a wee bit. Plus I feel trapped. Even if you don't get off the boat when you are on the dock, it is there, and allows a mental sense of liberty. It is very hard to find anywhere to get away on a boat this size and we aren't allocated  any exterior space (i'm currently on a 38m). Ok, lost track there because what I meant to say is the markets make it worthwhile. The perfume of all the different fruits and vegetables, the old ladies with their three bunches of herbs, the piles of cheese and meat, the haggling, the noise, the various languages, grimy hands reaching out to you with slices of whatever it is they are selling that day - I eat a lot of dirt by the way. It is such a buzz, so colorful and I absolutely love it. You know most of the stuff you are buying is organic and your eggs, that are still warm, are not even a day old. This is in Europe of course. I haven't been to many markets on other continents - yet.

really scary market thing after the jump!